Letting Go
by Summer Leah
Summary: Edward and Bella expand their physical boundaries. EPOV. Companion story to "Explorations." Fluff, rated for lemons.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This is a companion story to "Explorations." It really doesn't matter which order you read them in; this is just the same thing from Edward's POV.**

I don't know why I even bothered. Bella would get her way in the end; she always did. I just couldn't resist her. So, when she pleaded with me for the thousandth time, I broke down and said, "All right."

If I hadn't been so anxious I would have smiled at her expression. She looked completely dumbfounded and utterly adorable. After a few moments, Bella closed her mouth and asked, "What?"

"I said okay. We'll try. But I can't guarantee anything, Bella. You know that." I didn't want her to get the wrong impression. I'd do my best, but if I ever thought I was anywhere _near _close to losing control, we would stop, and that was that.

"I, uh . . . yes!" she responded eagerly. "Of course! Great! Um, you do understand what you're saying, don't you?"

I rolled my eyes and let out a long-suffering sigh. "I decided it's not fair to ask you to miss out on such an important human experience because you're in love with a vampire." To be perfectly honest, that was a bit of a justification. It's not like I didn't want it as much as she did. "I will _try _to give you what you want."

Her eyes filled with emotion and my chest tightened with love for this girl. She jumped into my arms and said, "Thank you, Edward. I love you, more than I can say." I grinned at her. _Not as much as I love you. _Something else occurred to me then and I frowned. Her reactions tended to undermine my control, and that was unacceptable. "You need to promise me one thing, though."

"Anything," she declared brashly.

I hesitated for a moment, uncertain on how to put this into words. "Staying in control is going to be hard enough without your . . . unpredictable responses, flattering though they are. Just promise to do exactly what I tell you."

Bella chewed her lip for a moment and looked a little worried when she replied, "Of course, but . . . well, you know I'm not always in control of my reactions."

I suppressed a snort. That was one of the biggest understatements I'd ever heard. "I understand that, Bella, but if you cannot restrain yourself, this won't work," I warned.

"I'll do my best" she promised, and I smiled.

"So will I."


	2. Chapter 2

**Just like "Explorations," the first few chapters of this are short, but they'll get longer. This story might actually be longer than Explorations because Edward is able to think so much more quickly and doesn't have to sleep.**

It was a relief to finally establish that we were going to try, but I was a little uncertain on how to start. Bella surprised me by trying to kiss me, and I pulled away. I frowned; had she already forgotten her promise? "Bella, maybe I didn't make myself clear before. For this to work, I need to be in control. Totally."

She still looked puzzled when she replied. "Right . . ."

"That means that everything that happens, I have to initiate," I explained. "If you want us to do something, you can ask me, but I have to be the one that makes the decisions. That's the only way this is going to happen. Do you understand?"

She sighed and told me that she understood but wasn't happy about it. "So," she said, "can we kiss?"

I laughed and complied, leaning down and pressing my lips to hers. I kissed her very gently at first, as usual, but when I was sure I was in control I added a little more pressure and allowed myself to taste her. I had to restrain myself already; her lips were so good, better than anything I'd ever tasted save her blood. Bella gasped, and I couldn't resist the opportunity to explore her mouth for the first time. I'd recently overcome some of my revulsion and begun to pay a bit more attention to my siblings' sexual activities, and I knew how this sort of kissing worked. Nothing, though, could have prepared me for Bella's mouth. It was so warm against my cold tongue, so soft and sweet. I could kiss her like this forever, drowning in the taste of her.

I took my time, making sure I was in control and that this kiss would be memorable for us both. Even when Bella became a vampire, I wanted her to remember this moment. I traced her teeth and stroked along the inside of her mouth. It felt so good it almost hurt. Bella was panting and making little sighing sounds, and I had to lock all my muscles in place to keep from doing anything rash. Luckily she kept her promise and didn't grab me, but she did respond ardently to my kiss. I nearly groaned as our tongues slid against each other, but when she tried to press further, I had to stop. I worked to suppress the passion in my face and lightened the atmosphere with mock-seriousness.

"Now Bella, I'm sorry, but anything that happens is going to have to be in _your _mouth. Razor-sharp venomous teeth, remember?" She turned a brilliant shade of red and I smirked before murmuring, "Now . . . where were we?"

I continued kissing her lips for a few more moments but could not resist the siren call of her body. I moved to the corner of her mouth and trailed my lips down her cheek until I reached her chin. Then I pressed tiny kisses down her throat, savoring her heat and delicious scent and ignoring the beckoning of her blood. I reached her collarbone, which had tempted me for so long, and this time, I didn't have to refrain. I explored that fascinating hollow with my tongue, enjoying the taste and learning the contours of her skin. Bella moaned and I smiled. That was a sound I could get used to hearing every day of my existence.

I trailed my lips back up the side of her neck until I reached the curve just below her ear. It was just begging to be kissed, so I did. I pressed my lips to that spot again and again, until Bella shivered.

Ashamed of myself, I pulled away. "I'm sorry, you're getting cold."

I started to sit back from her but she grabbed the front of my sweater. "No, Edward!" Bella said. "When I shiver from your touch . . ." She was blushing and I stared at her, confused. "It's almost never because I'm cold."

Not cold? Then why . . . oh. Obviously. That meant—

_She wanted me. _I grinned. I already knew that, of course, but still . . . all those times I thought I was chilling her . . . My smile turned wicked. "In that case . . ."

I moved to the shell of her ear and nipped it very lightly. Of course, I made very certain to cover my teeth with my lips. I pressed another kiss to her ear and let myself taste her once again. Just a fleeting touch, a flickering of my tongue, but she seemed to like it, judging by her gasps. I couldn't help but feel self-satisfied; it was the same as when I first kissed her, first discovered the effect I had on her. It was just so gratifying to hear her respond to me like that. My mouth moved to the lobe and I took it between my lips, sucking lightly. Bella moaned and my entire body tightened with excitement, but then I heard Charlie awakening from his dream.

Very reluctantly, I moved away from Bella. "What--" she began to ask, but I interrupted before she could complete the sentence.

"I'm sorry love, you woke Charlie," I whispered. "He's about to come in—I'll be back as soon as he leaves."

I ran into her closet, feeling slightly foolish but not really caring. Charlie opened the door and Bella started muttering to herself, I assume in an attempt to imitate her dream state. I shook my head, smiling; I hadn't been lying to her, that first night. She truly was a terrible actress.

Charlie was satisfied, though, and that's what mattered. When he left I climbed into Bella's bed behind her and wrapped my arm around her waist. She began to turn around, but I stopped her, whispering, "Shh, it's past midnight. You need to sleep." I could tell that she wanted to argue so I added, "Don't worry, we'll keep going tomorrow. I think I've tested myself enough for one night. Sleep, my love."

That was a lie. Well, not really; I _had _tested myself enough, but it wasn't nearlysufficient. It was all right, though. I just had to remember what I'd told Bella. More tomorrow. Control tonight. I began to hum Bella's lullaby and as she relaxed in my arms, I knew it would be a long night.


	3. Chapter 3

I'd been correct; it was a _very_ long night. Twice I had to get up and move to the rocking chair to calm myself down. Both times, Bella became restless in her sleep, turning and groaning until I returned to hold her again. It was satisfying for my ego but hell for my self-control. She was just so _warm._ And when she wasn't dreaming, I had nothing to do but think of what we had done earlier, and what we _would_ do tomorrow night, and the night after that, again and again . . . For about an hour, I dwelt on the perfection of her neck and collarbone—so soft, so elegant. Of course, Emmett would tease me mercilessly if he knew the mere thought of her _throat_ excited me, but I wasn't going to think on anything more risqué, not when Bella was asleep in my arms, warm and so sweet . . . I purposefully changed my train of thought to how lucky I was for the opportunity to observe her as she slept. I watched her pulse beating steadily, even as I heard it like a drum in my ear—the most beautiful sound in the world.

Of course, when Bella _was_ dreaming, it was worse. There was nothing so tempting as hearing her moan, "Edward," in her sleep, particularly when she added "please." I didn't understand what that one word did to me. Or rather, I didn't understand _why_ it did. Bella knew that I could hardly say no to her when she pleaded with me; what she didn't know was that it excited me, almost unbearably. By morning, I was on the edge, barely keeping myself from waking Bella to ravish her. When she finally did stir, I didn't trust my control enough to do more than kiss her briefly before running home to dress.

()()()

I could not keep my hands off Bella in school that day. Knowing that I _would _have her, soon, made it impossible for me to push her out of my mind for even a single second. I touched her every chance I got, running my fingers through her hair, rubbing her legs, stroking her neck, brushing my lips against her cheek and nose and eyelids . . .

The whole day, a smile lit the face of my angel, making her even more beautiful than usual. I loved the effect I had on her, especially in class, where she couldn't seem to pay attention to the teachers. When she was called on, I had to whisper the answers in her ear, and even then, I could feel her heart stutter at the sound of my voice. By the time school was over, I was more than ready to grab Bella, run to the first private spot I could find, and pick up where we left off last night. Unfortunately, right after school, Alice grabbed Bella and demanded that she come shopping. I glared at her, but got distracted by her thoughts.

_andra_ moi _ennepe_, mousa, _polutropon_, hos mala polla  
planchthê, epei Troiês hieron ptoliethron epersen:  
pollôn d' anthrôpôn iden astea kai noon egnô,  
polla d' ho g' en pontôi pathen algea hon kata thumon,

arnumenos hên te psuchên kai noston hetairôn.  
all' oud' hôs hetarous errusato, hiemenos per:  
autôn gar spheterêisin atasthaliêisin olonto,  
nêpioi, hoi kata bous Huperionos Êelioio  
êsthion: autar ho toisin apheileto nostimon êmar.

tôn hamothen ge, thea, thugater Dios, eipe kai hêmin.

Obviously, _The Odyssey _had nothing to do with whatever Alice was planning, but it did an excellent job of diverting me while she dragged Bella into the car and sped away. I knew that Alice only blocked me out of her mind when she was planning something I wouldn't like, so I was understandably suspicious, but at this point, there was nothing I could do.

()()()

"Hey bro, why so glum? Could it be because you're not getting any?"

"Shut up, Emmett." He was deliberately trying to be offensive, and his thoughts were equally obnoxious. _Poor Eddie, still haven't had sex. Seriously, you should be on TV: the hundred-year-old virgin. Pathetic, really, even for a vampire. I mean, come on, you wait 100 years and then fall in love with a _human!

I growled at Emmett and he laughed. "No, really, Eddie, this is truly sad. You don't know what to do with yourself when Bella's not around, do you? Dude, you're seriously whipped." He made a whiplash sound and I attacked him.

"Don't . . . call . . . me . . . Eddie," I grunted out between punches. I could tell by Emmett's thoughts that he had picked a fight on purpose; it'd been awhile since we'd wrestled. I didn't mind; Emmett was actually right. Bella was my life, and I hated being separated from her for even a second. Alice better hurry up.

()()()

When Bella returned to her house, I was waiting in her room. I heard her chat briefly with Charlie, then make her way upstairs, heartbeat accelerating. I smiled and hid to the side so she wouldn't see me immediately. Bella walked in, looking disappointed when I wasn't waiting on the bed for her. She heaved a sigh and turned to shut her door. As soon as it was closed, I spun her around and kissed her deeply, entering her mouth when she parted her lips. I had to suppress a groan; I would never get used to Bella's scent, let alone her taste. This felt so _right, _like I could never be truly whole unless she was in my arms.

I made sure to pull away when I thought she was close to running out of air, and apparently I had judged correctly because Bella was gasping for breath. I smirked until I realized that I was panting as well. When I caught my breath, I told her, "I missed you today."

Bella smiled, wrapped her arms around my neck, and kissed my jaw. I couldn't help but be acutely aware of her warm body pressing into mine, but tried to focus on her words instead. "I missed you, too, even if you did abandon me to Alice's vile plots."

I laughed and said, "I'm sorry, love. Alice distracted me with _The Odyssey _in its original Greek. Do you have any idea what thoughts she was trying to hide?" I listened to her answer, keenly interested.

"Well," she began, "it _might _have had something to do with the fact that she dragged me to Victoria's Secret, determined to replace my entire underwear drawer."

I was surprised for a moment—I'd assumed that Alice was plotting some sort of nefarious scheme—before bursting into laughter. I spoke my thoughts aloud. "Typical Alice. Well, hopefully it wasn't _too _bad."

Bella grimaced and sighed. "Could've been worse."

Grinning, I lowered my head to capture her lips. I claimed her mouth as mine and drank from her lips until she surrendered, leaning into me. Then I lifted her onto the bed, following until I could kiss her again. She moaned and I thrust into her mouth, stroking her tongue with mine and savoring her taste. When I pulled away, I couldn't disguise the excitement in my eyes but tried to be nonchalant as I asked, "So, Bella, I don't suppose you're wearing any of your new selections right now?"

A gorgeous blush spread across her face, and she answered in a breathy voice, "As a matter of fact, I am."

I was already excited, but the thought of what she could be wearing increased my arousal even more. I groaned and kissed the corner of her mouth, trailing my lips down her neck, nuzzling the line of her jaw and allowing my tongue to flicker out and taste her throat. Bella made a mewling sound that elicited a growl from me. "Yes, Bella. Moan for me."

Before long I reached the neckline of her shirt, and I wallowed in her skin, kissing and nuzzling and licking. Then, nearly shaking with excitement but making sure I was firmly under control, I began to unbutton her blouse. I kissed every inch of skin as it was slowly exposed, keeping my eyes shut until the last button was undone. Steeling myself for the likely affect the sight would have on me, I looked down at what was newly revealed.

I stared. I couldn't help myself. Bella was . . . God, she was indescribable. Magnificent. Gorgeous. I couldn't allow myself to focus immediately on her breasts; instead, I first looked at the bra. That, in and of itself, was enough to test my control. It was deceptively simple, and it took me by surprise. I'd been afraid that Alice would have forced her into something she would be uncomfortable with, but this was just . . . pure Bella. It enhanced her, rather than trying to make her into something she wasn't. She looked like what she was: an innocent. So how on earth did she manage to be so seductive?

The bra was a deep blue; it made her pale skin luminescent. It had a minimal amount of lace at the top, through which I could see her skin. As for what was underneath . . .

Her breasts made me harder than I had ever imagined I could be. They were utterly feminine, all smooth skin and soft curves. I could not tear my eyes away, even though I knew my staring was ungentlemanly. Eventually, I gave up. She was beautiful, she was mine, and I would look my fill. A blush stained Bella's cheeks, and I gazed in fascination as it spread down her neck and chest, all the way to—

Bella interrupted my thoughts when she made to cover herself with her arms. I growled and captured her wrists; now that I had the opportunity to see her like this, nothing and no one would stop me. "No, Bella," I told her. "Don't hide yourself from me; you're too beautiful." It was true. She was so lovely it was a crime to cover her with so many layers of clothing every day—when she was alone with me, at least. No one else would ever see her like this. _Ever._

With Bella's help, I pulled off the shirt completely and again stared at her breasts. A rumbling filled my chest, and I murmured, "Good God, Bella. You have no idea what you do to me."

I thought I would burst when Bella moaned, "Edward . . . touch me," but I managed to stay in control.

"Not yet, sweet," I replied, grinning. "I'm still enjoying the view."

Bella shut her eyes and I took just one more moment to burn the image of her breasts into my memory before saying, "Look at me, Bella."

She opened her deep brown eyes and I nearly drowned in them. I managed to pull my thoughts together enough to say, "Bella, you are the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. I love you so very much. You know that I'm just terrified that I will lose control and hurt you."

"I know, Edward," she replied, sighing. "But you won't. I know you won't. I trust you."

I tried not to wince. How could this perfect creature trust me, when I couldn't even trust myself? I took a deep breath and inhaled her luscious scent, nearly groaning when I realized it was laced with her arousal. Holding her gaze, I lowered my head to nuzzle and lick where the top of her bra revealed her cleavage. When she gasped and threw her head back, I smirked and turned to stare at her breasts, eyeing her hardened nipples. God, they looked appetizing. Steeling myself against the temptation it would cause, I flicked the clasp of her bra open. For the first time, I gazed upon her naked breasts, and it was as close to a religious experience as I'd had since I'd been turned. My mind went totally blank; her perfection was the only thing that existed in my world.

I could have stared forever, but I saw Bella beginning to fidget (causing her breasts to quiver deliciously . . . God help me). I shook myself out of my stupor and leaned down, resting my head against that spot where her heartbeat was strongest—right next to her bare nipple. It was the same perfect rose shade as her beautiful blush, and I stared, entranced, as it crinkled. I wanted that nipple to stand up proudly, as hard as I could make it, so I blew onto it. It rose further, and I couldn't stop myself. I licked it and tasted the flavor of Bella on her skin. Again and again, I flicked my tongue over the nub that was harder than the surrounding flesh but still petal-soft against my mouth. Bella began to squirm, breaking my concentration. I wanted to know how I was affecting her, but more than that, I needed to focus on not hurting her, which I couldn't do if she was moving around. I tried to be firm as I told her, "You're distracting me, love. Unless you want to stop . . ." It would probably be safer if I did, but I still prayed she wouldn't want me to.

"No, Edward!" she interrupted, and I smiled. Thank God.

"In that case," I told her, pulling her wrists to the headboard, "I'm going to have to insist that you keep these here, love." Hopefully she would do as I asked, allowing me to worship her for just a little longer. I leaned down and placed my open mouth over one firm breast, feeling the texture against my lips, tasting the nipple with my tongue, enjoying the give of her skin against mine. Making sure my teeth were covered, I pulled her breast into my mouth, lightly sucking. Before I could fully take pleasure in the sensations, I felt her move and sighed in resignation as Bella's hands grasped my hair, cradling my head to her chest. I knew there was no way I could be careful of my teeth and the amount of pressure I used while she was touching me. I frowned and told her, "Bella, it doesn't look like you can control yourself. I'm afraid this isn't going to work."

She proved me right by sitting up as she protested, "No!" before laying back down. "I'm sorry, Edward," she said, and I was about to move away when she said the one word with the power to crush my resolve. "Please?" I gave in then, even before she continued pleadingly. "I'm really doing my best, just don't stop now . . ."

I studied her face, trying and failing to build up some form of resistance to her. Finally, I had an idea which made up my mind. "All right, Bella, we won't stop. But I'm afraid some measures need to be taken to prevent accidental over-enthusiasm on your part."

She smiled and responded, "Anything."

Really, the depth of her trust was staggering. I vowed once again to try to be worthy of it as I responded, "All right." I pulled a scarf from the floor; this idea came from the sexual escapades of Emmett and Rosalie, although I would use it for an entirely different purpose than they did. "Now, Bella, you're going to have to trust me," I told her. "This isn't something you're familiar with, but I think it'll help tremendously." I quickly pulled her wrists back up, tying them together and to the headboard with the scarf. "Perfect," I said, surveying her torso and trying to ignore the way seeing her hands bound made me feel. I distracted myself by returning my gaze to her breasts, and what a beautiful distraction they were. I pushed them gently together, watching the way one would press against the other, gently compressing, before I repeated, "Perfect. Bella, you are perfection." And she was.

I lowered my head to her breasts and nuzzled against them. They felt hotter than the sun against my cool face, softer than a feather against my rigid skin. Perfect, indeed. Bella was moving slightly, but as long as she wasn't actively touching me, I could handle that. Besides, I doubted that anything could truly distract me from her flawlessness. I began to worship her breasts in earnest, licking, caressing, tugging, and finally suckling the nipples into my mouth. I barely noticed Bella gasping until she was suddenly unresponsive against me. Chagrined, I realized that she had actually fainted.

I unbound her wrists and grabbed a pajama shirt, covering her beauty and taking her into my arms. When she woke up, she tried to turn towards me, but I stopped her. "No more tonight, Bella," I said. She responded with a pout. Adorable. I chuckled and told her, "I think we both need a time-out before continuing." Tomorrow, I assured myself, we would test my limits even more.

**A/N: I'm so sorry it took such a ridiculously long amount of time to update! Unfortunately, you can expect another long wait, since I've been having no luck with the muse.**

**So, ****I had a long debate with myself about whether I should include Edward's debates with himself on the possibility of Bella becoming a vampire. Eventually, I decided not to, just as I'm not going to include engagement and marriage—just because it's easier. I don't really want to write a plot for this outside the fluff and smut, so I'm just not even going to bring those issues into it.**


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